[4/21] Will you ever be satisfied?
Be careful not to become an Icarus
Disclaimer:
A series of daily ‘stacks challenging consistent writing habits, influenced by Julia Cameron’s Morning Pages Exercise from The Artist’s Way. These pages are *meant* to be private - fear and loathing on a post-it note approach. However, I need accountability, so Substack is my resolve.
🎧 Today’s soundtrack
Stuck in the right place, at the perfect time
You awake into the unknown. And by the end of it, you rest realising none of what you have come to know in the last 24 hours will matter tomorrow. For the unknown resets, and all that matters is you keep moving forward.
Filled a gap, I was lucky
TL;DR I’m spilling my guts on Substack to force my hand at consistently writing over the next 21 days.
Right here, right now, I’m using Tom Jepson’s 5 day email mastermind as a skeleton of thought to guide me through to the end of the week.
🗓️ Tom being the delightful human he is, is also hosting a masterclass, ‘What does good look like to you?”, inside Studio Sonder on Tuesday (1 pm BST) via Zoom. You can join us and get your first month’s membership for free here. Use code STUDIOSUMMER50 to get 50% off your following 3 months!
Anyway, enough shameless self promotion - I’m on day 3 of the mastermind/day 4 of Studio Sonder’s 21 Hard Challenge. Let’s get deep, Rebels!
But one thing I'll say for me
It’s time to answer the questions I asked myself (see yesterday’s ‘stack). Tom has suggested giving three answers per question and to go off-piste where possible. No problem for me, I’m off-piste more than I’m ever on-piste.
Question 1: 🧟♀️ What’s your survival strategy if your life went apocalyptic tomorrow?
📌 Answer 1:
Start seriously considering feet pics.
📌 Answer 2:
I think I’d be unfathomably angry. It reminds me of a lyric from Evita that was swirling around my head last night, “Don’t look down it’s a long, long way to fall”.
Other than the fact I’m literally terrified of heights, the disparity between where I once was and where I am now/dreaming to go is Burj Khalifa scale.
I’d no doubt tear apart my decisions, actions, choices - all synonyms of the same self blame. How could I let this happen? But I fear the truth is that I wouldn’t let it happen. But it doesn’t mean it won’t. Which means this is ultimately about control.
We can’t control the economy and whether we keep our jobs, clients, or income levels. We can’t control if we’re about to be hit with a life threatening diagnosis. We can’t control if a nuclear bomb is about to detonate us into oblivion on account of emotionally unstable reasoning.
Although on that note, Fallout Season 2 is semi-confirmed to be dropping this December. So apocalyptic life outcome or not, that’s something to look forward to!
Relinquishing control is the first step towards living the life you’re meant to live. I’m a big believer that what is meant for you will not pass you. And if my life were to go apocalyptic tomorrow, I’d pick myself up and dust myself off.
It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve reached rock bottom, and I doubt it’ll be the last. That’s the point of life. There are no knowns. You just keep putting one foot in front of the other. And the only way out of rock bottom is up.
📌 Answer 3:
Every writer’s not-so-secret secret: I’d use it as ammo for my writing. Nothing better for the plot than experience. I’ve done it before, I’ll do it again.
Question 2: 👏 Will you ever be satisfied?
📌 Answer 1:
No.
📌 Answer 2:
I already am.
📌 Answer 3:
I think it’s inherently un-human to be satisfied.
When we are satisfied, we are complacent. When we are complacent, we are comfortable. When we are comfortable, we never take action. When we fail to take action, nothing changes. Without change, there is no growth.
Please don’t misinterpret this to mean you should not be happy. That you shouldn’t rest, enjoy what you already have, and practice gratitude for the smaller things in life.
But my point of view is we only get one minuscule run through this game called life. There are no check-points, save reloads, or redos. “There are no rehearsals” as my aunt would say.
And in the grand scheme of things, our puny little timelines are beyond insignificant. 80 years on average. 4576 weeks. 32032…wait…
32032 DAYS. Holy f*ckballs, I just Googled that (sorry is before 8am, I refuse to math independently) - even I thought it was more!
For the majority reading this, we’ve passed the 25% mark - perhaps we’re in the 50-75% region. None of us can be certain until the Reaper, reaps!
Lack of satisfaction doesn’t mean we need to suddenly acquire a yacht, supercar, or an Oscar. But it does make you quantify your here and now. The cliche that no one wishes they worked harder when they’re finally tucked up in their death bed rings true.
What about all the other sh*t, though?
🌆 The places you never live because you don’t dare leave your two-star home-town.
✍️ The art you never create because some teacher (who may or may not have now exited their death bed) once said you were sh*t so you refuse to pick up a pen, paint-brush, or piece of music.
🔮 The opportunity you have dreamed about since you were a child that you will never even put yourself forward for because the fear of rejection is too damn potent.
Are you satisfied with throwing away your shots?
F*ck accolades, external validation, and social status.
Validate yourself. Live the life you want to live for the short time you’re here. Or at least die trying.
I repeat: You do NOT get a replay.
So my answer: I am satisfied knowing I believe I can, so I do. I do not measure my satisfaction on that which I cannot control: The outcome. The reception. The ultimate ending.
Question 3: 💫 Three years ago, you defined success as freedom. How do you define success today and why?
📌 Answer 1:
Freedom still stands.
📌 Answer 2:
But freedom also results from growth.
Financial growth. I believe no one truly gives a sh*t about money. They give a sh*t about what doors it unlocks and the freedoms it affords. That’s one part, I guess.
But personal growth is the biggest success metric for me. “Doing the hard things” and “what makes you uncomfortable” have been prime topics of conversation across my community, work, and social circle lately.
I spent most of my life feeling like an alien, trying to solve the riddle of my mind, only to uncover my ADHD and autism in the past few years. As a result, my “symptoms” had been compounded by years of trauma. Did I spend too long feeling like a victim? Yes, yes I did.
And while there are many horrors I have overcome that did cast me in such role, there was a gluttonous part of me that lived for the suffering. Long before I ever had answers, I used to say we build our own prisons. I was right about that.
Over the past 3-4 years, success has not merely been my accolades and achievements. It’s been battling the Demi demon within. The anger. The sadness. The “it’s not fair, so I’ll do what I want” mentality.
After nearly 32 years trying to figure it all out, whatever all is, I don’t know the answers, but I have found the key to unlock my prison and I now know the real me better than I ever thought possible.
But I had to get uncomfy.
I had to prove to myself that I can do hard things. I had to be accountable. I had to own my sh*t. I had to take messy action.
And the greatest realisation of all, while I beat myself up about my lack of consistency - I have consistently grown, day after day, year after year. I’ve kept showing up and getting back up.
And I’ve never felt more successful in my life.
📌 Answer 3:
Success is always paying invoices upfront, helping others succeed, giving the people I love the life and experiences they deserve, having a bottle of champagne in the fridge at all times, ordering a Nandos on a whim, a roof over my head, Joel the cat on my bed, and a life shared with people who only want to see each other win.
Oh, and staying in boujee hotels. What? It’s been a special interest of mine since I was a child!
Allow yourself a little indulgence, bestie.
No one else can fill it like I can
Sozza, that was a long ‘un.
🌮 But I hope it’s given you food for thought.
✅ Revisit your three questions, and dare to give each one three responses. Free write. Don’t self edit. I have only given my answers true consideration as I let my words spill onto the page.
You’re not taking action as a result. Or maybe you will, but it’s not part of the task right now.
You’re allowed to change your mind. In fact, it’s expected.
Make yourself cringe. Contemplate your values, moral compass, and life trajectory.
You’re not searching for the answer to the universe. But I suspect these answers are even harder to come by. After all, the universe of you is a complex cavern to explore.
You’ve got a lifetime to do it. But only around 32032 days, so chop on!
Until tomorrow, keep taking messy action.