“I need to be more consistent,” she says, as she sets herself an impossible writing challenge at an impossible moment in her life.
“I need rest,” she says, as she proceeds to create a day-by-day to-do list of all the things she wants to achieve during her week of rest and relaxation.
“I need to make my body strong again,” she says, as she piles scoop after scoop of Ben & Jerry’s strawberry cheesecake into her gob while proclaiming it doesn’t hold a spoon to Häagen-Dazs.
Once again, I have failed.
(Two seconds, need to grab the Ben & Jerry’s)
………………….
Got it! 🍨
Where was I?
Buried under the weight of my unrealistic bar.
Chasing societal ideas of success as a creative rather than mine.
Sweltering my tattas off in the British heat.
Reassessing my time, priorities, and emotional commitments.
Wrestling with the six-month depression that I’ve been putting off dealing with till tomorrow. Melting moments turn into full-blown meltdowns.
I love my life. But to live is to be tired. Nonstop. Until you eventually croak it. This is my current working thesis, anyway. One that always rears its ugly head when Dr Depression comes for a house visit and overstays their welcome.
I’ve always said the life of a creative is a cursed one.
What a gift it is to experience life through such a unique, colourful, and often abstract lens. What a sadness to feel the full force of pain in the way only artists can reshape into work that leaves you breathless.
A dichotomy. Duality. Paradox.
The duality paradox exists for a reason. Opposite forces co-exist and often rely on each other to understand the whole. And creative life feels fraught with anxiety, rage, and fear right now.
The wider world is yelling at us that our jobs will be obsolete in a matter of months. Thankfully, one thing humans are sh*t at (among many others), is accurately predicting the future.
The internal universe? Crumbling. Caving in. Collapsing from mass overconsumption. We’re going through it this year. And with EVERYTHING going on, it can feel so self-indulgent to even utter words of struggle.
But dear Creative Rebels, we must.
Let it out. Create with it. Free yourself from it.
Keep moving forward
My week of rest and relaxation has transformed into a week of catching up.
Catching up on creating for me.
Catching up on not feeling I need to be present 24/7.
Catching up on slowing down while my mind still races riddles around my every moment.
I’m not entirely sure why I'm sharing this, beyond it being one thing on my to-do list that I’ve been meaning to check off.
I did want to let you know that whatever you’re feeling right now, it’s justified.
If you feel like crawling under a rock, I don’t blame you.
Just don’t disappear forever, okay?
Retreat. Recharge. Reconnect.
When everything feels like it’s crumbling down, it’s usually to make space for something greater.
🪩🌻🪐 Here’s a little reminder for you:
Stop criticising your progress.
Stop tearing apart your unfinished projects.
Stop sabotaging your dreams.
We are all works in progress.
We will never be a finished project.
Your dreams deserve your joy and belief.
💛 The same is true for our art as it is for ourselves because we are one.
Now eat a croissant and make something gorgeously messy, you sassy, creative taco 🌮🥐
D x
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❤️🔥 Current CreativeFuel ❤️🔥
📖 Reading: The Burnout by Sophie Kinsella
🎧 Listening: To the sound of an electric fan
📽️ Watching: RHOBH - and Unknown Serial Killers of America. God help me.
🪅 Creating: A mess. But also bags of social media content. Just not video content because I’m a sweaty mess. I need to get over myself.
Adore you!